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Tampilkan postingan dengan label humor. Tampilkan semua postingan
Tampilkan postingan dengan label humor. Tampilkan semua postingan

Rabu, 28 Desember 2011

Party Jokes: Startling But Unnecessary

Here, I focus on a range of items and features that we use in life without giving them a second thought such as Coca Cola, body muscles and holding ones own breath. Though, most of these notes are not fundamentally necessary, they are such that you can use them for a good laugh, at a drinks party or for picking up women or men.

1) Coca-Cola: Did you know that its original colour was green?

2) Mohammed: Did you know that this is the most used name in the entire world?

3) Geographical Letters: Did you know that the name of each of the continents begins and concludes with the exact same alphabet? Do not believe that? Look up Asia, Europe, Africa, America, Antarctica and the rest.

4) Muscle Strength: Did you know that the strongest muscle in the entire body is that one which we use to lick a popsicle? Your tongue.

5) Credit Cards: In the United States, were you aware that each and every person has at least two credit cards?

6) An Antique Machine: The word for an old machine that was once used for writing letters and other documents is the largest word that one can make if they click only on a single row of their computer's keyboard: typewriter!

7) Blink: Men wink at women, but research has found out that the average woman blinks nearly two times more than the average man.

8) Suicide: Even though you might have wondered if it was possible, studies have discovered that it is impossible to kill oneself by simply holding in your breath.

9) Licking: However much you may try, you will never be able to lick your elbows.

10) Sneeze: Try sneezing. People will automatically answer you with a bless you greeting. Have you ever imagined why? Some say that this happens because a sneeze stops the functioning of the heart for a very tiny second.

11) The Blue Sky: Did you know that a pig, no matter how much they try, cannot look up into the sky?

12) Twisting Your Tongue: We have all dabbled with different tongue-twisters in our day. But do you know which is the toughest? Sixth sick sheiks sixth sheeps sick.

13) Ribs: Did you know that you should try not to sneeze too strongly. Why? A very powerful sneeze has the ability to cause a fracture in your ribcage. But, then again, if you try and withhold one, you stand the chance of breaking one of the many blood vessels in your neck or head. This could cause death.

14) Cards: Did you think that the Kings are all just random cards referring to random figures? No. Each one signifies a different king: Diamonds for Julius Caesar, Clubs for Alexander the Great, Spades for David and Hearts for Charlemagne.

15) And finally: Most everyone reading this (Caught You!) are trying to lick their elbows at this exact moment!

Conclusion: Most of these are not scientific facts, but they are hilarious, funny and can be used to lighten up the ambience when a conversation has gone dull. Use any and see your popularity rise up to great heights. Visit http://www.gambling-portal.com for more jokes.

Kamis, 21 Juli 2011

Why

Many articles supply answers, but here I do not. Here, I ask the questions. If you want to rack your brains for finding the answers to these life conundrums. But, I warn you. Beware. These are not easy, and though somewhat hilarious and funny, they are real and true to life.

Should I begin? Ok, here I go:

1) How come Tarzan has no bears even though he grows up with wolves in the jungle?

2) Why does glue not stick to the insides of the tube or can that it comes in?

3) Why do they use sterile injections when executing someone who is condemned to death?

4) Why do we press down harder and harder or the remote controls even though we know that the batteries are low?

5) Why is it that when someone hits us in the ankles with his supermarket trolley and then appologizes, do we say that everything is ok? I mean, things are not really fine. Why is it that we do not say that it hurts?

6) Why is it that whatever the color of the bath soap, the bubbles are always white?

7) Why is it that you will never find a day when mattresses are not on sale?

8) Why is it that online casinos always offer big prize money for their tournaments but never reveal the real name of the winner after the competition is over?

9) If human beings evolved from monkeys, why is it that there still are monkeys?

10) Why did the Japanese Kamikaze pilots wear helmets during the second World War?

11) Why does Superman stop bullets with his chest but, then, duck when the empty gun is thrown at him.

12) Why do banks charge a commission when you go into debt even though they know that there is no money in that account?

13) Why do people go back again and again to the refrigerator hoping that something new to eat will appear there?

14) Why do people move their vacuum cleaner over a thin thread lying on the floor, bend down, pick it up, examine it, and then, place it on the floor again and move the vacuum over it again?

15) Why do people believe it when they are told that there are more than four billion stars, but when they see a sign that says wet paint, they have to touch and check?

16) Why does a plastic bag not open at the end where you first try to open it?

17) Why do you never hear jokes about father in laws?

18) Why are there dead insects inside enclosed electric lamps?

19) Why is it that in winter we try and keep the house as warm as it was during the summer when back in the summer we hated the heat?

20) Why is it that every time you try and catch something that is about to fall off the table, you always hit something else and drop that instead?

Conclusion:
Life has many oddities and conundrums: some funny, some less. I have mentioned but a few. Think of more? Send them to me.

Jumat, 03 Desember 2010

Top 10 Reasons To Vacation At A Nudist Resort This Summer

Sound far fetched? Not really! Nude recreation is one of the fastest growing segments of the travel industry. It is a booming niche market with over $400 million in annual revenues. In a recent Roper poll, 25% of Americans have gone skinny dipping.

Historically, Americans had to travel to Europe or the Caribbean to find upscale nudist resorts and hotels. However, in the last 10 years, nude recreation in America has taken off. Now, the finest nudist and clothing optional resorts in the world are found in the United States. The meccas for nude sunbathing are Palm Springs, California and Florida. Palm Springs by far is the most popular as they have 350 days of sunshine per year, beautiful, warm weather, and no mosquitos (a big plus when you aren't wearing any clothes). Palm Springs http://palmsprings.com has world championship golf, casinos, shopping, theater, art galleries, museums, Joshua Tree National Park, hiking, and a host of other fun activities. Or, you just relax by the pool all day long sipping cool drinks, wonder why it took you so many years to work up the courage to consider vacationing at a clothing optional resort and get a great all over sun tan.

If you are tired of the same old boring vacations that you have been taking at chain hotels, now is the time to try something different and fun. Go ahead and call a clothing optional resort. The only thing you have to lose is your tan lines.

The top ten reasons are:

10) No funny tan lines
9) No need to take a vitamin D supplement
8) No Laundry when you return from vacation
7) Waves don't knock off swim suit top
6) The natural look takes on a whole new meaning
5) No luggage to check at airport
4) No shoes, no shirt, no problem
3) No sand in swimsuit
2) Everyday is really casual Friday
1) Clothing optional resorts are just plain fun!

Senin, 15 Februari 2010

A Moving Experience

Ah, the joys of sending your child out to his or her own apartment. This scenario will be a humorous reminder to a few of you.


I’ve found a cool apartment! Okay, okay…so it’s not perfect. Just a few bugs. I mean literally! First expense? An exterminator! Is it worth the cash? Well, I can’t afford a more expensive place, so a one-time (please!) cash outlay should be okay. Maybe just a can of “Raid?”

I need a way to move my stuff. Daddy, can I borrow your truck? You don’t have one? Why not? Do you want one? I’ll help you pick it out! Well, it was just a suggestion. No need to get all bent out of shape! I guess I’d better call the truck rental places. What do you mean…$200…PLUS mileage? AND Gas? Good grief!

While I’m on the phone I’ll call the utility and phone companies. Yes, I know I haven’t used your services before. No, I don’t have a credit card; this is my first place. You want what? A $100 deposit? For EACH? Holy cow…do you people have a license to steal?

Daddy, I need $500 for moving expenses! I used all my money for the first and last months rent AND the damage deposit. Well, how was I to know this was going to be so expensive? Sell something? Daaaaad…I NEED my TV!

Boy, this place is pretty empty. Maybe I should buy a couch and a chair. Nah…I have my bed. That’ll be good enough. I don’t need a table; I’ll just use this box.

Renters Insurance? I don’t think so! What do I have to insure?

Just got my first phone call! I’d love to come to your party! Daddy, I need a car. Because it’s too far to walk to work, that’s why. Umm, Daddy…there’s car insurance too! Thanks, Dad…you’re the best! And gas? I didn’t think so…

Time for dinner. Let’s look in these boxes. Oh, No! No dishes or pans. No FOOD!

Uhhh, Mom?